We are blessed with amazing family and friends. The outpouring of kindness we received when Kristel couldn't make the trip was overwhelming. The Grandmas stayed with Kristel to help her through surgery (all is well and Kristel is recovering nicely btw) and her friends repeatedly stopped by to show their love and encouragement. I can't thank you all enough. I never expected to have to choose between being with my wife during surgery or being half a world away for my son. Adoption leads you to places you would never expect.
The old axiom that women become mothers when they get pregnant and men become fathers when they meet their child holds true for adoption too. I'll admit to being fairly detached from the adoption process while Kristel struggled with it the last two years. Meeting our son was like a bolt of lightning. He is my son and it is good.
I hope Ethiopian international adoption ends for the right reason. To me, the right reason is because their economy improves so that the extreme poverty that leads to millions of orphans is minimized to the point that they can care for their own orphaned children. And I know they would. I have never seen people who care for all children as easily as they do. They live the saying "It takes a village" naturally and we saw that in daily interactions every day.
For those who love us and will be spending time with our new family, I encourage you to educate yourself about adoption and its impact on our son and our family. He is changing our lives already, and that is good even if it means some things change. He is not lucky to have lost his family, country and everything he has ever known. He will be grieving tremendous loss, and that is OK. We need time for him to bond to our family and it doesn't happen overnight, that is OK. Below are links to entries from a blog that we enjoy.
Sunday was a fun day to see more of Ethiopia. In the morning we had breakfast and enjoyed a traditional Ethiopian coffee ceremony. They roast the beans fresh on a skillet, grind them and then boil the grounds for ten minutes. It makes a strong brew but without any of the bitterness that we get when we make strong coffee.
It was the best coffee I have ever had, but I don't think my heart could handle 20 ozs of it!
After coffee we headed out on a day trip to the Blue Nile River Canyon. It was a two hour drive west of Addis Ababa into the countryside. It was nice to get out of the city to see how those in the country live. We saw a big group of kids playing futbol.
Here are some of the traditional houses. Where we drove was a mountain plateau that was mostly grazing land. We saw many people taking their goats or cows out to graze in the pastures.
The scenery is nothing like what you would expect from Africa if you don't know anything about Ethiopia. Addis Ababa is 7,546 feet above sea level and it is in a valley surrounded by mountains. For this trip we climbed out of the valley to the west and drove for two hours through grasslands. Our driver said the mountain plateau is a stable grassland and doesn't suffer nearly as much from the droughts that the lowlands often do. We saw bee hives and baboons as well (look closely).
At the end of the drive was the Blue Nile Canyon. There is a very old monastery in the cliffs overlooking the canyon, a museum of old church artifacts, and a church that is still used for services. Then we drove down the road to see the Portuguese Bridge that is several hundred years old. The bridge is not that impressive, but the valley itself is amazing. It is like the Grand Canyon. It is the beginning of the Great Rift Valley and is formed by the Blue Nile River, which is the source of the Nile River.
I was incredibly impressed by the people farming along the slopes of the canyon. I hope they all had donkeys to bring their goods to market or float them down the river, but I'm guessing many of them haul it out themselves. There is a hotel on the edge of the canyon rim that is owned by a German couple. It would be a spectacular sunset. We ate lunch (tibs and injerra) at the hotel overlooking the canyon. Meal with a view!
Along the way we bought some trinkets from kids selling things along the road. When life is hard everyone scraps to make it, so I liked buying stuff from the individuals more than the shops when we could. On the drive back we saw these cool rock carvings. A student group from Addis Ababa carved them as some sort of beautification project. Very cool.
That was it for Sunday. Then Monday.... Monday was an emotional roller coaster. We were scheduled to spend two more hours at the care center to say goodbye to the kiddos and then for our court hearing in the afternoon. So me and the other families met in the lobby at the appointed time...and waited...and waited....had the receptionist confirm the driver was on the way and waited...and waited. After an hour he was finally there!! He was very apologetic and it wasn't his fault, sometimes the traffic is crazy and sometimes it is not. So we lost out on some of our time at the care center, but he drove us there as fast as we could!!
When we drove through the gates I saw our son right away. One of the nannies was holding him (someone is always holding him it seems!). He saw me step out of the van and reached his arms out to me, it was great and amazing that he remembered me and wasn't mad at me for leaving him there. We played around again, mostly with matchbox cars and kicking a soccer ball around. He still liked to be held but was OK running around a bit more this visit. After what seemed like only a few minutes but was probably an hour and a half, we had to leave so we could do lunch and get changed for court. Our son was crying and reaching out for me and so was another 2-3 year old who was being adopted by one of our families. The nannies held them where they could watch us leave, I just kept wanting them to bring him inside so he didn't have to watch us leave. I hope he knows it was hard on me too. The trip back to the guesthouse was quiet, we were all pretty down at that point. I'm almost glad Kristel missed that part of the trip, she might still be crying.
We had a quick lunch at the guesthouse and changed for court. We were all antsy again. We were the first group called in to meet with the judge. She asked for my power of attorney since I was the only parent attending the hearing. She asked us some basic questions about whether we had other kids, did they know about the adoption, what did they think, had I met my son, how did I feel, and was I educating myself on Ethiopia. Yes, yes, excited, yes, excited, yes. Do you still want to adopt the child? YES! They just want to make sure you have seen the child and are still wanting to proceed with the adoption before the court approves the adoption because under Ethiopian law the adoption is complete with court approval and is irreversible. She says "He is yours" and that's it!! We were all really excited and then our Holt attorney says something about expired paperwork.
Excuse me? What are you talking about?
Turns out a few minor forms were over two years old so they needed to be updated before the court would issue its order. Like air being let out of a balloon, just completing deflating. There was no objection to our adoption and no substantive problem, just a few forms that needed resigned. Still, it will likely delay us a few weeks to pull all of that together so it can be translated and submitted to the court. How frustrating. So my text to Kristel (side note-I had incredible cell phone reception everywhere I went in Ethiopia. Data was nonexistent and wireless Internet coverage was spotty at the hotel, but texts were not that expensive so I was able to connect with Kristel immediately when needed-the modern world is amazing) was not as joyous as we would have hoped. She immediately called Holt to find out what we need and it is almost all a non-issue. We do need an updated Dr's. letter confirming we have no communicable diseases, including tuberculosis and HIV. The Dr's. office wanted to schedule us for physicals in January!! Hello people, we are adopting here! After dealing with the wrath of an angry adopting momma, they got us in early next week and have already done the blood draws for the necessary tests. So Wednesday next week we should have everything that is needed so they can get the court order and work on the next steps to get us submitted to the US Embassy.
After all that drama we were all exhausted. Ate dinner at the guesthouse and crashed. Tuesday was spent lounging around the guesthouse and doing some last minute shopping. It was nice to chat with the other families, drink coffee and basically relax before the grueling flights home.
Our flights were awesome, no problems with any of the flights, transfers, customs or baggage. It really was amazing and a gift because we were so tired I might have broken down if there was a problem. Erik kept misreading signs and trying to get off the tram at the wrong stop, it was fairly hilarious. We were worn out and we are healthy men in the prime of our lives (yes Kristel, this is prime. Sorry it doesn't get better!). Just a reminder for us of how hard it will be for our son to make that trip while being exposed to a million new experiences, sounds and smells. Be patient mom and dad!!
After we get our Dr's. letter we sit and wait. They estimate 8-10 weeks to get an embassy appointment. We have seen as short as 2 weeks and I don't want to think about the longest wait we have seen. Barring any unexpected problems we hope to make our second trip late December or in January. You will know when we know, that I can guarantee!!
So 9 hours later I'm back connected! And a cliff hanger, I left off right before I arrived at the orphanage. The orphanage was a 30 minute drive from Holt's offices. A pretty tense group of parents-to-be trying to make small talk. College football was discussed, I'm not going to lie.
We drove through the gates into the orphanage into a gaggle of kids. Over 60 kids are at the orphanage with about 13 nannies. And all but the youngest know that the vans are bringing parents and some kids are getting families. The kids were all craving attention and hoping you are their parent, it is heartbreaking. The head nanny brought us into her office and sat us down. Then they brought in the kids one by one to each of the families. She handed him to me and he just sat there, kind of shy and probably a bit overwhelmed by being plopped into the lap of some random stranger. He looked just like the referral picture we have of him, only was bigger than I expected. He sat quietly with me for a while. I showed him the picture book of me, Kristel and his new sisters. He liked to turn the pages and touch our faces in the pictures. Then we headed outside to play and he started to warm up. He loved the matchbox cars that the girls sent for him. He didn't want to let go of them but I did get him to run them on the ground with me until the other kids tried to take them, then he never let go of them.
At some point he figured out I would hold him, after that he never wanted to be let down. The nannies said that was very unusual, most kids 2.5-3 years old are a bit standofish, especially with men. Hopefully a good sign for our trip home that he likes to be held. He would go limp if I tried to put him down, so I took advantage and just held him the whole time! I saw his bedroom. He had a crib in a small room with 3 other beds. I changed him into his Michigan shirt and put his blanket, a stuffed puppy and our picture book in his crib.
The entire orphanage was clean and well cared for, the nannies did a tremendous job caring for their orphanage and the kids. It will be hard to leave but at least the kids are in a place where they are loved and well cared for. The nannies kept playing with all the kids and there was a ton of playing, laughing and dancing. There was a reading room for the kids and they did some group songs and dances for us, including one in English they had learned. After a few hours of playing it was lunch. Traditional Ethiopian injerra (a sort of spongy pancake) and lentils dish. There were seconds for the kids who wanted it. Then it was naptime and time for the parents to leave. It was hard, but they are in good hands.
That night we went shopping and out to a traditional dinner. Today we did a traditional coffee ceremony and a tour to the Blue Nile Canyon, which is the start of the Great Rift Valley. But for now I'm tired so that's a post for another day.
I have 45 minutes until our next event so I thought I would update the blog.
The flights were pretty uneventful. We did have to change planes in Chicago due to some mechanical problem so we ended up at O'Hare for 9 hours even though it's only a 3 hour drive from Grand Rapids. Pretty frustrating. But the flight to London was good and changing terminals was quick. The delay in Chicago meant we didn't have time to go into London, but we ate and relaxed for a bit. The flight to Addis was also good. Erik got his visa quickly, I did the currency exchange and we were through customs all in about 15 minutes. Not bad.
The driver took us to the guesthouse. It is a very modern building and very comfortable. Pretty typical American style room. We landed at 7am so we were in time for breakfast at the guesthouse. The cook is amazing and brought out plate after plate of food. Fried eggs, french toast, breakfast spring rolls, coffee, juice. It was amazing and has been our routine for 3 days now.
After breakfast and a shower we wanted to see some sights, so we hired a driver to take up Mt. Entoto. That is a mountain overlooking Addis Ababa. The drive up is very steep and the road is filled with women and donkeys carrying eucalyptus branches down from the mountain for cooking. The women must have been carrying loads of firewood that weighed hundreds of pounds and walked for miles. The driver shook his head and said "Our sisters are very strong." At the top of the mountain was the former palace of the King and the old Ethiopian Orthodox Church, both dating from the late 1800s. There is also a more current church that is still used for services and a museum full of artifacts from the history of Ethiopia and the church. The guide spent several hours with us and seemed impressed that I knew a bit of Ethiopian history! There was a guestbook and we were the first American visitors in three months. For Americans the most impressive pieces may be the Olympic gold medals that Ethiopian runners have donated to the museum, including recent gold medals. Our guide said the athletes train at the top of the mountain and believed they could not have won without God so felt it appropriate to give their medals to the church museum.
At that point we were were exhausted. A 4 hour nap, then dinner at the guesthouse, then another long sleep.
At breakfast the next day we met the other two couples who are traveling with us to meet their children and go to court. It was nice to finally meet them after quite a long time in contact online. After breakfast we headed to Holt's offices to get a tour of their facilities, see what they do with family preservation and adoption, and get a short presentation on our stay and the adoption process. We were also able to see our files, which included more information about our son. That was great to see, including his birth certificate.
Just got word the coffee ceremony is about to start so I'm going to head out now. Afterwards we are doing a day trip but I will finish this tonight.
Two weeks ago we found out our court date is scheduled for November 5th!! Since then it has been a crazy whirlwind (bad Hurricane Sandy pun, sorry). Kristel has been dealing with an ovarian cyst and after two weeks of wrestling with the decision has decided that unfortunately she won't be able to make the trip. Instead she'll be having surgery. Luckily family and friends will be here to help out, which is a blessing.
So for a few days we thought I would be traveling to Ethiopia alone. Then a quick text to Kristel's brother Erik and BAM, I have a travel companion!! It will be very nice for me to have Erik making the trip and I think Kristel will rest easier knowing I'm not there alone. I am incredibly thankful to Erik and his boss for making this happen on incredibly short notice!
The other twist is that our original flight plan had us leaving tonight from Grand Rapids and flying to Washington D.C., then flying direct from DC to Ethiopia. Well, Hurricane Sandy posed a bit of a problem. So I spend much of yesterday rerouting the flight plans. Now Erik will be driving to Grand Rapids tonight and tomorrow we will fly GR-Chicago-London-Ethiopia. We are scheduled to arrive Friday morning. It is unbelievable that on Saturday I get to meet my son after almost two and a half years of waiting!!
I am hoping to post occasionally while on the trip, but definitely after I return. Wish us safe travels and Kristel a speedy recovery!!
I had gone to visit my mom for the weekend because my hubby was volunteering at a triathlon. Right before we left my mom's house she said she wanted to pray for us and our future son. So I said okay....just knowing I would be bawling....lets just say that the last few months had been a tad difficult in the waiting department. So she prayed that God would release our son to us, the floodgates would be opened....insert me crying.....then she said she wanted to show me this music video. So in my head I am thinking "what is she doing? This will make me feel even worse!" So she brings her lap top over and plays the video to the song Waiting Here For You by Christy Nockels. Here is the video:
Keep in mind that I had never heard the song before. So of course it makes me cry watching it because I had gotten to the point in this adoption that I had given up. The mountian I was climbing was too high. I had to turn it over. My idea of how things were suppose to happen had to be thrown out the window. I was going to try and be happy even in waiting. I was trying so hard to be patient.
So on Monday I drive home, sad.
1:30pm Tuesday August 28th 2012
It was a beautiful day out. Partly cloudy mid 70's. Perfect Michigan weather
I took the girls to their swim lessons like normal for a Tuesday morning. After coming home Danielle said Carley was resting in her room. I didn't think anything of it because she does this sometimes. All of a sudden she flies out of the house to the neighbors. Also not uncommon so I think nothing of it. A little later I had decided to clean up the girls room. And found this:
Carley had butched cut her hair!!! Ugh! Guess we will have to deal with that later because I need to get her to her Dr.s appointment.
Carley 2012
Mary Lou Retton 1984!
This was the after shot of how we attempted to fix the hair. Guess she will be sporting SUPER short bangs for a while:( At least she could have a career as an old school gymnast. lol
Okay so I get the kids rounded up and I am driving on interstate to the Dr.'s appointment. I didn't like the song that was on so I changed the station. All of a sudden I hear the same Christy Nockels song my mom played for me the day before-Waiting here for you! I had never heard it on the radio ever before so I turn it up pretty loud and of course start crying.
Part way through the song. I hear this weird noise. Hmmmm....what is that??? I look down at my phone and it is ringing!!!!! AND IT SAYS ON THE SCREEN.....
HOLT INTERNATIONAL
That weird noise was the "special ring tone" I had set for them jingling
Oh the many days I have dreamed of hearing that ring tone and it was finally happening!
Telephone conversation with the director of the country program
Me:Hello?
Pat:Hi. Is this Kristel?
Me:OH MY GOSH!!! IS THIS IT????
Pat:Well that depends on what you are waiting to hear about? hee hee
Me: silence (DO NOT joke with me lady)
Pat:Well we have a little boy for you and Justin!!!
I don't even remember what I said after that. Lots of crying and laughing and freaking out
Me: how old is he?
Pat:A little over 2 years old
We then talked about his name which I will share with who ever wants to know off line. We are not allowed to show pictures or give identifying info over the computer until after he comes home.
Me: Oh I love it. I think we will keep it
Pat: Yes it is a good name. hee hee
At this point I hear the girls say "I think she is laughing" Who is she talking to?"
We then talked a little more about what part of the country he comes from.
Pat: We will send you an email with his info and picture. He is so cute Kristel!
We joked that it was very convenient that I was on my way to the pediatricians office and could just hand them little brother's info
After I hung up the girls were like"What the heck was that?" I told them that they had finally found their baby brother!!!!! More squealing and questions. I can't believe I was driving the whole time during the call and didn't just totally crash into someone or something! I recommend pulling over if you are in the car when you get your referral. Probably safer! ;)
I called Justin and told him that Holt called! Just so happens that he had to go to Holland for work for the afternoon so he wouldn't be home for a few hours. AHHHHH!!! We had agreed earlier to open the email together so we could see little brother's picture at the same time.
Here is a pic of the girls at Carley's appointment just after we found out:) They were blowing kisses up to God thanking Him for their baby brother. Too cute:) Danielle was making funny noises while we sat there because I had told her to wait to tell peeple. I would tell the doctor. lol This was very difficult for her.
Justin finally came home around 4:30 pm. Took some major restraint not to open the email knowing it was just there waiting.
pat on the back to me for a job well done:) I didn't cheat!
Girls went to the neighbors and we opened the email and saw his sweet face for the first time. He is so beautiful! Oh the lashes! We are in love and I can't stop looking at his picture.
When I called my mom I think she was in shock or that I was kidding because at first she didn't say anything. And then she said "you are kidding?!" Once it started to sink in she was so excited and also said she loved his name.
Girls came back from neighbors and we video taped them seeing their brother for the first time. It was so great.
His birthday is the same day as my Grandpas! My Grandpa passed away this past fall so it is so great to have baby brother share the same special day.
On Wednesday we called an officially accepted his referral and sent in more paperwork. We were just notified that it made it to our agency and that it was all done correctly. Hallelujah! They said that they will notify the in-country staff that little brother has been matched with a family! Now we just wait (some more. haha) for a court date to go and see him!!!! I can't wait to hold him in my arms for the first time and look into those precious, beautiful eyes I have dreamed about for so long.
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