Wow ! It's been a very long time since I have posted. I blame the extended wait times for giving me writers block. I just couldn't write about what I was feeling. Good news is, I have finally realized that I have zero control over this adoption process! I'm a VERY slow learner unfortunately. I fought what I thought was a good fight and came out of it with a completely different attitude. This wait has changed me. It has brought me to my knees and I started looking up. I have surrendered.
Now you maybe thinking that I am a raving lunatic right now but all of my adoption friends will get what I am talking about :) I read this in a book and it really spoke to my situation:
"In order to receive any benefit from our captivity, we must accept the situation and be determined to make the best of it. We will only serve to make the rope tighter if we rebel against it. In the same way, an excitable horse that will not calmly submit to it's bridle only strangles itself. And a high-spirited animal that is restless in it's yoke only bruises it's own shoulders."
I laughed out loud when I read "a high-spirited animal" because in our home study my dear husband described me to our social worker as "caring, SPIRITED and EMOTIONAL!"
Translation : caring woman who can get a little nuts-o crazy and cries over the littlest things.
Ahhhh!!!! I almost died when I read that sentence printed on one of the most important papers for our adoption. Honesty is one of the things I used to like about my husband :)
So here we are.....almost 13 months on the wait list and 18 months since applying. My social worker contacted Holt about updating some paperwork and they told her they thought we would be getting our referral "soon". Not sure what "soon" means but that was music to my ears. Holt has been reporting that the current wait times are 13-14 months. *picture me doing a little dance right now at the computer*
So we will continue to get closer to our son every day that goes by and we will make the best out of the time we have left as a family of 4. I can now look back over the past year and see all of the growth we have gained from this wait. And for that I am thankful.
WARNING TO FRIENDS: Just because I am now okay with the process does not mean that I won't have some bad days. I'm human and things will still get hard. I am spirited and emotional after all :) You know you love me for it!
You are amazing! I can't wait to see when you get your referral!
ReplyDeleteKristel, you know I totally get where you are coming from:) It is a huge burden lifted when you come to the point that you accept the fact that this whole adoption process is out of your hands. When you can surrender it and lay it down and let Christ control, it is very freeing! Of course we all need supportive friends and I am here for you!
ReplyDeleteSue
Can't wait to have our little boys out playing in the yard:) Hang in there...he'll be worth the wait!
ReplyDeleteSue
Oh Kristel, I just loved this post. You are an amazing woman, and I completely understand your daily, sometimes hourly struggle. I want you to know that I admire how you have surrendered this process to Him and that in itself is a testimony to our Great God! Cant' wait to celebrate the special, special day of your referral! Love you girl!
ReplyDeleteJanine